Tuesday, June 26, 2007

A Letter to My Hair. And Socks.

So some time ago I sent a telegram to Mother Nature asking her to hurry up already and make it spring. In typical Chicago fashion, she listened to me, made it spring for about 3 weeks, then made it summer. Also recently I read this letter from a black man to his average sized penis. These combined to inspire me to write more letters to things that couldn't ever respond back. Perhaps I will make it a series. Next in line is a note to the bunny about who ate the last Frosted Mini-Wheat. I know it wasn't me, and there are only 2 of us in the house. Fourth will definitely be to my uterus. Okay, wanna hear it? Here it go.

Dear Hair,

%$!~$% you!

Let's start that again, shall we? Must keep my PG-13 rating over here.

Dear Hair,

damn, Damn, DAMN! So what's up, really? Do you think this is cute? You think it's funny? Cuz the joke is getting real old real fast.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve this, except to be born black. The drama I have had with you is pretty much unbelievable and unforgivable. Even from the time when I was a little girl getting burned with the pressing comb and having my scalp fried with the straightening perm chemicals, you have been out torment me. Remember Comb-aloo, that little yellow comb that was obviously meant for the finest of Euro hair that Daddy used to chase me/us around the house with? Ah those were good times. *sigh*, times. I think the last time we got along was around this time:

(Why am I red? The best I can guess is, everything in the 70s was sepia. Just as everything in the future will be chrome.)

And now I wear you natural and really, though it's gotten cheaper and slightly more convenient to deal with you since I don't have to go anywhere to get my hair done, you still offer me a never-ending stream of pain. You, you are the sole cause of all those headless knitting FO photos I took. Don't try to blame the face, slap some lotion on the face and a bit of lip gloss, the face is ready to go. No, it was all you.

I even started a Natural Hair Meetup Group to try to learn to deal with you. I did research for handouts at the meetings. Motown Girl dot com became my buddy. I found out about the no-poo method. I tried it, you laughed in my face. Mocked me. "You think these triflin' schemes you have will make even the slightest impression upon me?! Ha! I laugh in your face! I mock you!" See how you actually said those words, "laugh in your face" and "mock you"? That hurt, Hair, that really hurt. And what hurts the most is that I actually like you, but you are intent on causing me grief. 짝사랑 (jak sarang), as the Koreans would call it, one-sided love.

According to my parents, you aren't doing me any favors in the dating world, either. I'm already a shy girl, which doesn't help, and apparently, so the story goes, the 7 black men left who are single, educated, and still interested in dating black women don't want to look at naps like mine all day long. On the plus side, white people tend to think my hair is cool (you know, it's all exotic and stuff), so maybe they'll be some luck there.

Hmm, maybe it was me tormenting you all this time? Hmm, guess I'll have to give this a little more thought. In the meantime, you, me, and the credit card have a date over at Miss Jessie's, and I hope something over here will satisfy you though I have to say quite bluntly, most of these pics look like folks who have somewhat fewer of the straight-from-Sub-Saharan-African traits than I do.

Until Later,

The Body You're Attached To

Now that that's out of my system, you know I don't post without knitting content. I needed a quickie, project I mean (PG-13, People!), and I've been wanting some anklets for summer, so I whipped these up, worked on size 2 needles. Started Friday, finished today. Just 48 stitches! The tiniest bit over 1 ball. Really, if you have size 7 feet or smaller I think you'd only need 1 ball of Elann's Esprit cotton and elastic yarn in color Licorice Allsorts. Don't they look cute with my black heels with the pink sole?

Not that I'll ever wear them like this. I don't wear socks in heels or sandals like this, maybe if I'm in a funky-friendly place, maybe, but in general, this is a big fashion no-no for me.

And don't you love that round toe? I am through with square toe socks forever.

Well, until next time, People.


rainyday said...

I'm jealous I look at the Ms. Jessies pictures and drool. I like their products for the most part. I am too cheap to go to the salon though-there is one in Homewood, IL (south of Chicago) that does the same things as the original. The main product I use is conditioner-I just leave it in all the time. It's funny because it at this point of the year when I want to shave my head. I don't use shampoo either-it works for me. I am half-black/half-white so my hair has a few personalities. You are not alone in the natural hair fight!

Anonymous said...

Love the socks! What kind of toe is it? The colors muddle it up just enough so I can't tell.

Every woman has something with which they're unhappy. My open letter would be to my thighs. =P

Virtuous said...

Yep I am so into ankle socks and in the process of making some now too. What sock pattern did you use?

Nikki said...

Alex, it is a round toe. All I did was do the first 1/3 of the toe decreases per usual for a square toe and then I alternately decreased in the normal places and decreased in other places. The idea is just to spread the decreases around so they aren't aligned all in one spot, which is what forms the square.

Virtuous, there is no pattern, it's just a stockinette sock. Do 10 rows ribbing, then do the heel (I did just plain stockinette heel flap instead of the common slip stitch one), then proceed just as you would for a regular sock, all stockinette.

Adrienne said...

Cute socks!!!!

Harlem Purl said...

Let me jus tsay that I read your note aloud to my hair so maybe it'll take a hint. I tried it all on my hair also and let me just tell youthat I bought both of the Miss Jessies buttercreams (and they aint cheap) and my hair did not coem out like nah one of dem people in those pictures. I tried shingling and did it just like they said to do it in the photos but all I ended up with was a white flaky mess. Maybe it's just me because I never actually went to the salon but I did follow the instructions word for word. I still use it but more like a conditioning cream. My favorite product is the Kinky Curlz Knot Today shampoo/conditioner and their gel. My hair is still nappy but it gives it a little sheen with minimal flakes. I can see that I'm rambling so I'll just end it now.

NikkiJ said...

Isn't it interesting how your loved ones can always tell you WHY you don't have a man, but they can't tell you how to GET a man? Keep the naps, the one you really want will love you the way you love you.

I've seen pumps with socks a couple of times out in the general population. I thought it was a new trend but I'm scared to try it out myself.

somebunnysloveDOTcom said...

Great post as always. I remember when you asked for spring to get its big butt over to Chicago. :) Looking at your socks reminded me that I have a similar colorway that needs attention. And food around bunnies? Shoot, in my house, you have to hide the Chinese food from Jessica!

Kris said...

Oh I think you totally pull of the anklets and pumps look!

zippiknits said...

The ankle sox are just adorable with your heels. Did you wear them out and about?

I'm doing my hair with conditioner only. What a surprise it's been. I love my hair now. I'm a mix of European and Native American, so my hair and eye lashes are curly even though my sister's hair is almost perfectly straight and so are her eyelashes.

Cheryl said...

LOL...I can't relate to the natural hair but your post about it totally cracked me up. I especially liked the En Vogue line. They were one of our favorite groups when my husband and I were first dating.

Bogie said...

Nice footies. I've got some Esprit that's been hiding in my stash for a while--maybe that's what they need to be.

Thanks for leaving the comment on my blog. Autumn Grace was my first design! I'll need to make one for myself one of these days. :-)

NikkiJ said...

How'd your hair come out after your trip to the salon?

Nikki said...

I never went to the salon. I meant me and the credit card had a date at the Ms. Jessie's website. But after reading more, seems like it's not for my hair. It's not for the real hard core black African hair. Even they say so on their site, that it won't work as well for "z type" follicle or something like that, essentially nappy hair. Oh well.

The Humanity Critic said...

I gotta be honest, those socks are off the chain..lol As a black man who once had a jheri curl(I was 10 for christs sake), I loved your letter to your hair..lol

Sheila said...

Stepping out of lurkdom... the Letter to My Hair.... priceless!!

Sonya said...

Pink heels with black shoes - love it with your socks. And as for hair, I have had to come to terms with mine, after the bad 80s perms and the peroxided orange stage (shudder).

James said...

I have to say, speaking for my people, that white people do love natural black hair. I don't know what gives. Maybe it's because our hair will NEVER have that much awesomeness, or maybe it's because we've never had to style it. Who knows?

Larjmarj said...

You're right..my white ass thinks it looks cool ;-)

I always loved natural hair, on ANYONE, a little color fine, but leave the texture alone.

Processed (permed) hair looks good straight off but after a week or two, yikes.

Cute' lil' socks, they look like good n' plenties.

Heather said...

I LOVE this note to your hair! I can totally relate. I struggled with my hair sooooooo much, thinking that it was too "kinky" to do much but frustrate me, then tried locking it, only to find more perfectly straight hairs than I had ever seen in my entire life! Un-believable! After 2 1/2 years, I gave up, went back to perming it, and wear it very short. And I still frequently ask - do you think that sh#& is funny? to it in the mirror all the time!