Tales from the Silly Side: Yo Ugly Mama
Why did you get angry with me when I called yo mama ugly? It's not my fault yo mama ugly. I, along with the rest of the world, feel sorry for yo ugly mama. And yet, you were angry with me. With me! As though I was the one who made her ugly. Why weren't you angry with your grandparents? They were the ones who produced such offspring. All I was trying to do was warn the general public, particularly those with weak hearts, that yo ugly mama was approaching, and that they might want to look to whatever precautions they deemed necessary: hiding, yelling and running in fear, gouging their eyes out, collectively putting a giant paper bag over her head, and one over their heads just in case hers came off, removing their glasses before they see her lest they spontaneously shatter into a thousand tiny pieces from the horror of it all. And really, I was thinking of yo ugly mama, too, because I saw that she was fast coming upon a full length mirror and I didn't want her to inadvertantly glance into the mirror, causing goddess-knows-what damage to her psyche. Truly, like the astronomical expanse of the the multiverse, human psyches are not prepared to contemplate the enormity of yo mama's ugliness. I was only doing what I thought was a kindness to yo ugly mama and all around her who have to endure her presence. Is it a crime to want to prevent further damage to our corneas in a world of rising vision care costs?
So next time someone points out yo mama's ugliness, don't get mad at them. Don't blame the messenger. Instead, let us work together for a future where, hopefully, there is never again born an individual who is quite as ugly as yo mama.