Tuesday, March 13, 2007

She Had Dumps Like a Truck, Truck, Truck

Thighs like what, what, what. That's right, people, I'm talking about thongs. You might think after the ugly sun goddess, thong, and cursed sock incident that I'd be avoiding them, but I'm letting no one take away my thongs! And so I present to you, the knit thong:



And I'm going to tell you all right now, I wore the damn thing. That's right, 50% mohair content and all. And it felt good, so there! Whatever, doubt me, but you can't know until you try. People probably told Schaefer they were crazy for putting mohair in sock yarn. These are the most comfortable thong panties I've ever worn (probably cuz they're a little loose, admittedly), and I love 'em. and I look damn good in 'em, too!

Now, let me suggest that knit thongs be the new socks. Portable, fun and interesting construction, no seaming, and talk about quick. There's not much to a thong, people. Go ahead and try yours in a heavy machine washable sock yarn if you must, but you must try. Won't take you more than an evening, I guarantee. Pattern at Interweave Knits.

Now, this thong has brought along with it a chain of thoughts, and it goes like this. First, Knitters, stop being ashamed of your butts. I mean it, stop it right now! One thing growing up negro (good book title, huh? Growing Up Negro) gave me is a good appreciation of a decent sized butt. No more of this "oooh, this makes my butt look big" like it's a bad thing! No more, "I'm not knitting that skirt, it has a big ruffle that calls attention to your butt" and no more "triangle shawls make a big arrow that point to your butt, so I'm not knitting one". Love the butt, damnit! Guys do!

Second, this last reminded me of a good Korean friend of mine (you know who you are) who got teased and called "duck butt" cuz she has, what i think, is a cute little bubble butt in a land of buttlessness. Btw, my mother's nickname for me was, in fact, Ducky Butt. You love your butt, too!

And this in turn reminded me of a jewelry store owner I knew when I was in Korea. I visited his jewelry store often because, no need to mince words, he spoke English and I was lonely. This dude struck me as very gay, only he didn't seem to think so. I came into the store once and he said, "Nikki, I have a present for you" and proudly handed me photographs of himself. I kid you not. You know, one of those glamour shots type, and to top it all off, he had the studio insert little sparkly stars into his eyes in the picture. Yeah. So I asked him if he was gay once.

Me: So, um, are you gay?
Him: *placing hand against, presumably, fluttering heart* Me?! No! Why do you ask that?
Me: Well, you are wearing skin-tight black velvet pants.
Him: Oh, I can see how Americans would think that. But that's just the fashion here in Korea.
Me: *looking out of window onto crowded street, not seeing anybody in black velvet pants* Uh, okay.

And the glamour shot photo in turn reminds me of the one and only glamour shot photo I took. At my mother's request, with my hair straightened. For everyone who thinks my hair is really short, this is what it looks like straightened:


I do kinda like it, but getting this done (pressed, not permed) is painful and expensive, and I've gotten over the long-straight-hair-is-better thing that so many black women have had in them. So to Nikki (heehee, we have the same name), thank you for the compliment on the fro. And thanks to you too, Knitting Addict, for the compliment on my skin, though I must shamefully admit that you might be being deceived by the poor photography, as my skin is not all that great. I wish it was.

The hair thing reminds me of a movie I just saw on video, Something New. I friggin heart this movie. I was watching it at home and looking over my shoulder to see if there was indeed some scriptwriter taking notes on my life. Okay, not like me in all ways cuz I didn't grow up black bougie and I don't have a real job, but whatever.

And though none of these things reminds me of knitting, I think I should put some knitting stuff on here anyway cuz, after all, this is a knitting blog, so, here's the Falling Water Scarf I did in the most sinfully delicious yarn I've yet to work with Art Yarns Silk Rhapsody Glitter. Cuz my camera sucks (insert preferred cuss word here), you can't see the gold thread of glitter running through, but it's there.



And the sleeve of the Fair Isle Sleeve Sweater from Vogue Knitting Holiday 2006. Holy Expletive, this sleeve was a lot of work! No short easily memorizable pattern repeats here. Did the back already, working on the front and still have the other sleeve to do.



Okay, I'm tuckered out. Time to go enjoy the nice weather, as it's short lived. Oh, and thanks to everybody who comments. You should know I read every single one of your comments multiple times. *smooches*

13 comments:

lori said...

You are hilarious! Um, I must admit, when I read the title of this post, my 1st thought was,"Oh no. She's been sick. That's why she hasn't been posting. Urgh. Is she gonna tell us in detail?" See, here in the South, "dumps" means something quite different. Yeah. Yuck. I'm a trucker, you'd a thunk I'd a got that in one.

Jersey said...

THAT THONG THONG THONG THONG THONG

oh thats such a 90's song (I think, anyway.. maybe early 2000)

thank you for saying what I've been saying to my friends for years! The Butt is Great!

Nikki said...

Hello namesake, your post is so funny. The first thing I saw when I visited your blog was the THONG and I thought 'holy cow!' Surely those aren't someone's pants I'm looking at, and then to find out you knit them I thought this blog is going in a direction I'm not sure about, I was afraid to scroll down :) Then I thought about it while reading your post and I thought why not? If someone wants to knit pants, let them knit pants. I've even got the interweave pattern open in a window as I type this and I can see what the attaction was, they are very pretty, you could be on to something here. All you need to do now is start a KAL :)

And this London girl would like to know what a 'trucker' is. Over on this side of the pond the word trucker conjures up the image of a fat guy with a huge beer gut hanging over his belt driving a truck. Now I can't see someone like that in a pair of your knitted delicates, but you never know.

Alex said...

Haha, I saw the thong when you posted it on Knitter's Review. I say you're daring for knitting and wearing it--I'll just stick to my butt covering panties, though.

And yeah for booties! I'm an Asian girl with a big butt, like your friend (only Chinese).

Wanda said...

I have no problem with you knitting the thong, I'm just not wearing it and mohair, ugh, can't do it. That Fair Isle sleeve looks great as well as the Falling River scarf too.

Adrienne " A little dramatic at times" said...

OMG!!! You are SOOOOOO funny! Loveit! LOL

Toya said...

i can't believe you made the thongs, lol, it came out great too, good for you!

dickie said...

the thong is awesome! hahaha. i'm always looking for a quick and useful project... maybe i'll add it to my list. i'll just have to find a friend willing to wear it. ^_^

i really like the scarf! that's a pattern i definitely want to try. i'll probably have to save it for next winter--it seems to be getting warmer in chicago ... sort of.

somebunnysloveDOTcom said...

Wow. You FO's 2 of the projects I have been wanting to try!! And I too, have a duck butt that caused tons of torment from the kids in grade school... But when I was in my 20's, I had the boyz LUVIN da' butt. ;) Thanks for the happy thoughts!
=:8

Sheila said...

OmGosh... the post was too funny and since I was blogging with my daughter at my side... she is now whining....ohhh mommmm... I know you can do something in crochet for meeee... I'm like nottttt...lol

AR said...

hehehe! I love your thong. Does that sound weird? Anyway, just think of all the people who are like "What you making?" LOL


Heck yeah! When I lost some weight, I wasn't too happy that I lost some of my butt!

Hazy said...

I found your blog when I was looking paranoidly in google for information about how flattering a triangle shawl would be on a larger figure. I think my question was truely answered! I shall knit that triangle shawl and let it point at my large behind with pride! (or at least try to... :) )

randi K design said...

I love this fair isle knitted sleeve, is it a sleeve? Beautiful! Are you making a sweater? Look forvard to the result..